Dear Inner Turmoil

Dear Inner Turmoil,

Love letters are always nice, but sometimes they are also necessary. This morning, when you poured hot water into a coffee filter holder and it tipped over onto your belly, that’s when I knew that you needed this love letter.

A month ago, your school community was in a funk. Things were so up in the air just days before graduation. People were stressed. People were let go. People were forced out. People were worried. School was not a good place to be and yet there were students who needed support from all kinds of crises, everything from how to get through school after you’ve been sexually assaulted to how to make up a class failed in 9^th grade in time for graduation. It was a lot.

And then, you went away to two different gatherings to dance, converse, marvel in nature and the natural world. You got the raise that you finally fought for. Your son made it through to graduation (not that you were worried, but he was hanging on by a thread at times). Your daughter graduated from college. You are getting ready for a celebration with friends at your home. You and your daughter just put on matching flower scented fake tattoos. Ray the piano tuner just tuned the piano that you got on your birthday two and a half years ago. You have a project that you want to complete this summer which involves magic. You have a resilient community where love, beauty, and truth will prevail. You have some fantastic friends in your life who boost you up and vice versa every time. Your kids are bright, sensitive and wise. Your husband is the husband of the year. Everything is amazing.

It’s interesting how we humans, with our fight or flight wiring, are prone to talking ourselves out of feeling great. And you think maybe you don’t deserve to feel great because after all, you didn’t really earn what you have.  And therefore your lovely life comes at the expense of so many so what is the fucking point? You think. You feel strangled by your past. You can feel stuck. And you can also get all gnarled up in the insignificance of who you are. As though that is all you are.

But don’t do that Inner Turmoil. Don’t talk to yourself like that with those delusions. Remember that you too are made of stars and are on your journey to make the world a better place in your own way. Don’t talk yourself out of feeling great. Just remember to be greatful. That’s all. No big deal. Remember to be greatful.

Finally, I love you and I will never be harsh with you. Just because I am telling you not to do things, doesn’t mean that I think you are ever wrong. I’m just reminding you who you want to be, but more importantly, who you are.

I Love You,

Your Inner Light

P.S. The word grateful should include the word great and not a word that means to shred into pieces or an unpleasant rasping sound. But that’s my opinion.